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She manages to sit up, skirts bunched up underneath her. She's not sure where she is beyond the nondescript alleyway around her, and when she tries to remember where she was last parked (space, stars, plotting a course around something...), her head feels a tad fuzzy. Sexy extends a hand, looking at her fingers (humans have so many of them, don't they?), flexing and quickly figuring out how to move each one. The first step towards figuring out just what exactly's going on would be to get up, but it's been a hot minute since she's piloted one of these things, so she'll need a moment.
Eventually, she manages to get a hand underneath her, wobbling up to her feet. Yes, she feels as though she's picking it up fairly quickly - quicker than she did the last time, though her head almost feels as though it's swimming just as much. Lingering side effects from being transplanted, she's sure.
Sexy spends a few minutes examining the brick on the building next to her (red, gritty, and the texture under her hand was incredibly fascinating), getting distracted as she tries to make her way out of the alley. Surely her thief wasn't terribly far. Or perhaps this was a dream! She'd heard of those, but had, of course, never managed to experience one. Honestly, she'd be far less surprised if it was a dream. The universe always did find a way to keep you on your toes, somehow.
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Date: 2018-11-09 07:11 pm (UTC)Have the balls to keep her with him and watch her grow old and die but be happy and selfish in the meantime?
Tell Martha to come travel with him when she's made a life for herself, decided to go on? After The Doctor gave Martha the recommendation for U.N.I.T.
Ask Jack to stay again? Even if the answer would probably be no.
Donna - there wasn't much other choice.
No - it was easier to rip off the band-aid and pull both of his hearts out along with it and let them be exposed and grow hard.
This is his reward for caring. For loving. For something that too him up to this life to do and to understand.
This is his punishment for choosing to regenerate as far as emotionally from a Time Lord as it was possible.
Sexy won't have to go too far from where she's at. He's in an alleyway and still wet from the rain and sitting on a box.
Debating if he should die now while he can still feel emotions or let himself grow hard and cold till his end days.
He misses them. He loves them so much.
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Date: 2018-11-09 09:24 pm (UTC)Mildly troubled, half-distracted by the rain on her skin (the sky is blue, so blue, raining heavily even though the clouds don't seem to be the right kind, isn't that strange?), looking for someone, anyone to ask her multitude of questions (and heaven help the poor soul she comes across first).
Sexy's not sure how far she wanders (probably not very far at all), wobbling as she does but quickly steadying, remembering how to operate her human vessel. Thank god she's not in heels, those deathtraps peoples across the universe seemed to like on their women, for whatever reason.
But as she turns the next corner at the end of the block, Sexy stutters in her tracks. There's a pair of legs, just barely sticking out from the alleyway with a pair of trainers that make her heart jump to her throat (can human hearts really do that? Certainly feels like it), but no, that couldn't be.
Still...there are so many things that couldn't be that are...she has to check. Sexy approaches the alleyway carefully, peeking around the corner as an unobtrusive pair of eyes, surrounded by wet, flyaway curls.
The look on the Doctor's face is...indescribable. Sexy can't even process the fact that it's very wrong for her to be here with him - this version of him, anyway - because there's something in her soul that calls out to her, something that demands she step forward, into the mouth of the alley, and take care of her Timelord.
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Date: 2018-11-09 09:59 pm (UTC)He's also not on alert either as he should be; and doesn't hear or rather mutes out with being lost in his own mind and depression; the splish splash of footsteps coming towards him.
As he continues to stare in a trace of the rain falling into a puddle in the center of the alley; he wants - he wants to do it all over again. Even if he knows he can't and the more he thinks about all those great days with those four; the more Ten is wondering what's the point of opening yourself up and having this happen?
Then look up, very slowly. Or maybe - maybe the universe just hates him. That's it isn't it? His face towards cross; he helps you and just slap him across the face.
Then for a moment looks like he misswallowed or had a small hearts attack but more it was first feeling of his hearts hardening.
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Date: 2018-11-10 01:24 am (UTC)“Oh dear,” Sexy murmurs quietly, mostly to herself, and she reaches out both with her hand and her mind. Her hand curls around his suit sleeve, the gentlest brush of her fingers, but her mind probes calmly, with all the recognizable warmth of home, despite the mildly zany jumble she happens to be in, without enough space to spread her matrices. My beautiful, burning thief. What are you doing?
Whether or not he chooses to hear her, she’s at least trying. Her mind, in the box, is not usually so clear - clear enough to form words, that is, but more impressions, emotions. She is a living thing, but she was never designed to talk. He’s the one who runs around, shouting and living and being, and she’s the one who flies and shelters and touches the stars.
“Oh, when you get like this...I just don’t know what to do sometimes.” Sexy tugs on his sleeve a little, cocking her head to the side. No, when she was in her proper place, she’d do something like...crash land. She’d find somewhere to go, to be, to distract him long enough not to let the brooding creep in. Timelords were never meant to be alone, least of all the one who chose the moniker of “Doctor”.
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Date: 2018-11-10 02:16 am (UTC)However, the warm feeling of home does sort of ping him but looks over at where the Box actually is and not Sexy. Which then his attention turns in the opposite direction to the person speaking and seems to be eyeing her; and not understanding who she is or how they who he is much less.
At least he seems to be on alert now;
"I think you have me confused with someone else."
If it's not the case; he's considering running because he doesn't want anyone else. That much he's sure of.
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Date: 2018-11-10 02:31 am (UTC)The look to where she’s parked does not go unnoticed, and Sexy looks up, unable to stop the soft smile when she sees her past (Present? Future?) self. She doesn’t reach out to herself, though she will if he doesn’t respond soon and she has to go for drastic measures to figure out when she is, but she does note that he’s having this episode away from her. Well, not away, really, but not in the comfort of the console room, which is usually prime real estate.
“Oh, I’m very confused, especially most of the time, but you - well, I don’t suppose I can say you’re exactly who I expected, can I? Give or take a few centuries, and with far less chin, but I quite like this face, dear. Always have.”
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Date: 2018-11-10 02:46 am (UTC)The rain; the little Ten notices of it; feels like he's in a Salvador Dalí painting. With each passing drop; the world is melting and becoming duller. Almost if it were possible that the rain is washing away the colours.
However, it's really Ten and him slowly losing sight of the beauty in simple things.
Then stands up and starts to walk away and pauses; "I can't help you."
His mind doesn't want to do timey wimey wibbly wobblyness. Figuring out who this is out of order.
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Date: 2018-11-10 03:20 am (UTC)Maybe if he felt the rain, if he allowed himself to luxuriate in the beauty of the universe, perhaps he wouldn’t feel so alone. Perhaps the loss would be a little easier to bear (or perhaps not, but then, Sexy has always lived with her metaphorical arms wide open. She’d never liked the dark - she wanted to fly through the light of the universe).
Sexy gets up when he does, starting after him when he makes to walk away. He doesn’t recognize her, and why would he? But even if she doesn’t know how she came to be here, it’s very clear to her why she’s here. “Oh, that hardly matters, though why I should be the exception I fail to understand. But I can help you.”
The door is still locked, and Sexy comes astride, looking up at the tall blue doors. Different exterior, she’d redecorated since then. She smiles, then turns to look at the Doctor, raising an eyebrow. “I rather think you shoukd consider it, dear.”
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Date: 2018-11-10 03:51 am (UTC)He can feel the rain alright. It's cold, wet, and depressing. And someone is soaked to the bone at this point. He's not Gene Kelly and able to see through the rain clouds that bring the rainbow.
Or maybe he doesn't want too. Maybe he's about to toss in the towel; so to speak.
Ten bams on the outside of the Tardis door in frustration in not understanding why the doors won't open for him.
"You can't help me."
Go away! He doesn't want another one! As he feels his hearts slowly hardening even more.
Which maybe Sexy can this through those eyes become more like ice.
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Date: 2018-11-10 05:35 am (UTC)Perhaps it’s cold, and terrible, but Sexy feels alive in a way she never has before. Maybe, if you live too long, you forget how to be alive (maybe, with too much loss, all you can do is start over).
“Oh, darling. All I’ve ever done is help.”
She sees the ice, the rage cooling over into ever-aching loss, but Sexy doesn’t let that deter her. He’s never managed to scare her away like that, which is, of course, why she’s here. Instead, she presses her hand against the wood (grain, blue, and somehow warm, in contrast to the cold wetness around them), and then her ear and cheek, feeling it against her skin. Sexy smiles, turns her head, and presses a soft kiss to the wood. A small trickle of time energy passes her lips, sinking into the wood, and the lock clicks willingly for Sexy. She opens the door for the Doctor, pulling it out the right way round, eyebrows raised. "Perhaps we should take this engaging conversation indoors, darling."
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Date: 2018-11-11 09:27 pm (UTC)However, when pushing the door the right way; is at a loss again. He knows that his Tardis also loved Rose, a lot.
Who is this?
The Doctor follows more with curiosity at this point than because of the rain or his own brooding.
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Date: 2018-11-12 07:25 am (UTC)Sexy can tell by the way he's looking at her that he's trying to figure it out despite himself. He never could resist something new, something to discover and learn, to explore from the inside out. She takes her time, brushing her fingers lightly against the railing, smiling to herself at the texture.
"You should get out of that wet coat, you'll catch cold. That's what humans do, isn't it, catch cold?" She runs her fingers through wayward hair, wringing water out of it. "How does one catch a thermodynamic property?"
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Date: 2018-11-15 12:31 am (UTC)Ten does notice how the other is touching the railing in a particular spot. A spot that only him and The Tardis know - about.
Is that who you are? Would explain opening the Tardis door properly.
None of him ever have and isn't going to start now.
Rather than answering the question; goes to careful feel the surface of her mind with his as he does so is looking more deeply into those brown eyes that match his own; maybe even more so.
"Sexy - is that you?"
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Date: 2018-11-26 04:43 am (UTC)He certainly hasn't, but if Sexy allowed herself to pick up all of the Doctor's bad habits, they'd never manage to get anywhere, would they?
"Got it in one." Sexy tilts her head as they stare at each other, wet ringlets clinging to the side of her face. She leans against the railing, testing out her arms as she presses her body weight against them. She feels him reach out, and stretches her consciousness out as far as it can go with this dreadfully small container; there's still so much, too much, stuffed inside her brain, but it should be enough to properly back up her identity. "You always were the quicker one. Paid more attention."
"Yes, it's me. Us, I suppose." Sexy glanced at the console, the green light and the gentle hum of her engine. "Is this really what I look like from the outside?"
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Date: 2018-12-11 01:31 am (UTC)At the moment not concerned on how she's in the same space-time with herself.
"Would you have it any other way?"
She can feel it through that strong feeling of lost. Of someone or maybe it's someones.
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Date: 2018-12-17 06:14 pm (UTC)"Any other way and it wouldn't be you. My thief." Sexy lifts her hand and sets it on the Doctor's chest, letting her feel his hearts, thumping away. She'd always wondered...her heart was so different, in the TARDIS, but she'd wondered what it felt like to have blood pumping through veins, to feel alive. And The Doctor was more alive than anyone she'd ever known.
Who? She asks gently. She's seen the beginning and end of all of the Doctor's companions before, and this one - this Doctor loses so much. Has lost? Will lose? But it could be any of them
or all of them.no subject
Date: 2018-12-19 12:55 am (UTC)As he feels his hearts ache and visions of Rose, Martha, Jack and Donna flash through their connection and there's a long silent tear on his left side.
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Date: 2018-12-19 02:10 am (UTC)You love them, Sexy’s mind roamed over each of them; Rose’s shiny blonde hair, Martha’s teasing smile, the Captain’s flirty smirk, and Donna’s boistrous laugh. And they love you, too. So very, very much. Nothing can erase that, not time nor distance.
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Date: 2018-12-19 02:18 am (UTC)Why couldn't he tell Rose? Meta had her family and Mickey to watch him. Someone was just making excuses again, weren't they? Rose told him already she's made her choice. Her choice was with him.
Why - why can't he allow himself to have nice things with these feelings he's allowed himself to feel?
Now, he's not so sure he wants to keep feeling.
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Date: 2018-12-19 02:33 am (UTC)You have grown so much and I am so proud of you. Sexy pulls back just enough to look into the Doctor’s face, to trace her fingers over the contours of his despair. He will become many things, over the rest of his years, but this is the closest he will ever come to human.
“Don’t do it,” Sexy whispers, staring into those fathomless brown eyes. Warm, fresh earth, the brown of life. “Don’t give in, my darling. There is so much waiting for you, out there.”
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Date: 2018-12-19 02:42 am (UTC)Why not? What's the point of loving again? Only to get hurt again? Trapped in an unending cycle of love and pain.
Was it the right choice - to make this choice for her? He didn't think it entirely through or maybe he did but didn't want to think the good times would end even if he knew they would.
How can he love any more than Rose? He can't. It's impossible.
And finds himself longling for Jack.
Though he's also not letting go of Sexy anytime soon - in her fleshy body.
One of his hands; he runs up her spine rather tenderly.
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Date: 2018-12-19 03:04 am (UTC)Whether it was right or wrong...what else could he do? Take her away from friends and family, to live a life - albeit an extraordinary one - among the stars with him, ever immortal? Rose made her choice, yes, but he had made the best one he could for her - letting her go, to be happy.
The good Captain...perhaps they’d cross paths again. He was hard for her to track through space and time, but he was out there, fixed, forever.
Sexy wraps her arms around his neck in return, dragging him in closer. They’re still drenched, but they’re alive, together, and she’ll give him all the comfort she possibly can.
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Date: 2018-12-20 09:24 pm (UTC)She wasn't happy. She wanted to be with him. It was just him and he knows it. He knows the excuse is to make Rose happy but deep down - The Doctor knows that he was just scared of seeing her die.
The frustration whirls though him and their mental connection and loathing for himself and his cowardness and just the pain of her not being here anymore because this form - this form was always for her.
Which, Ten becomes weak in the knees and flops more of his weight on Sexy.
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Date: 2018-12-20 09:51 pm (UTC)No, Rose wasn't happy - but she would be. That much was very true, excuse or not - her life would seem so very short to him. Seventy years, eighty? It was a blip on his lifespan. Wasn't it better, perhaps, to part ways before it ever reached that point? To love and remember her, as she should be remembered?
Rose had done so much for the Doctor - she'd saved him, in more ways than one. Sexy had been worried, so very worried, all those years he traveled alone - but she knew, at the end of the tunnel, that someone was waiting for him. Rose. "Don't you remember?" Sexy murmured, catching Ten's weight as he leaned against her. "Don't you remember the day I landed? You didn't want to come to London. You were so tired." But he had, and he'd crossed paths with Rose, just as Sexy had seen he would.
You have lived a long life, Sexy hums quietly, pressing a kiss to the Doctor's temple. But you have much more life to live, my dear.
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Date: 2019-01-01 04:57 am (UTC)So? It meant more time with them. More adventures and she'd age slightly slower because she was traveling with him.
This way - this way he feels like he pulled the CORE of his being out of him - simply because he couldn't tell Jack or Martha to stay but commanding them too isn't right.
And Rose - just scared. Just scared like he was blasted last time.
Which The Doctor pushes Sexy a bit hard away from him before going over and pounding with his fists in anger and teeth glaring against the Tardis wall.
Without turning around towards Sexy replies softly with sad choked tone; "Yes.... And that I didn't want to begin to care for her, either."
It's his fault - it's his fault for making the choice of wanting to regenerate for Rose and having fallen in love with her.
"....
....
I don't. I don't want to keep going. I don't see the point. And I don't see the point of doing this all over again with someone else. And I can't - I can't love anyone more than Rose."
Then falls to his knees; well outside of Sexy - obviously.
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Date: 2019-01-01 05:46 pm (UTC)Sexy stumbles back at the push, still not entirely centered, but catches herself on the railing as the Doctor goes to rage against the wall. She's quiet for a moment, just watching. Reactions like this from him were rare, but not entirely unprecedented, and it was better to just let it happen.
"No, you didn't. But you needed to." It's not his fault. How is love a fault? Sexy moves slowly, crouching down next to where the Doctor has prostrated himself. Her hand hovers, unsure of whether or not she should offer comfort, or if he's going to explode again. She wouldn't blame him.
"The point is that there are so many good things waiting for you, and yes, bad things too. You will love and you will lose, and it will hurt. That is the cost of living, my darling thief, and I know it might not seem like it, but you will pay it gladly. I'm not saying you will ever find someone that you love as deeply as you love Rose - she has touched parts of you I haven't seen in centuries. But there are different kinds of love, and so much of it awaits you." Sexy inhales deeply, thinking of Amy and Rory. Where they've been and where they'll go, and how very much it will tear the Doctor apart; but in the end, he will be so thankful to have had them, all of them, every companion that's ever crossed her threshold.
"I can't bear to watch you throw it all away, and I know she wouldn't want you to either."
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Date: 2019-01-01 06:24 pm (UTC)Part of him that is still sensible knows Sexy speaks the truth. He remembers how cold his leather jacket incarnation was with allowing Cassandra to die.
That face would have shot that Dalek that was found in the bunker as well - had Rose not been there.
All those people would have died in World War I; probably as well and goodness knows maybe how unforgiving he would have been with Jack.
And this form wouldn't exist - he'd look different in this life.
For a moment; Ten hears Davros's about turning ordinary into weapons.
Was that the true reason he that pushed Rose away and allowed Jack and Martha to walk?
None of them are certainly the same as he first met them.
Slowly, Ten looks over at Sexy with deep dark brown eyes and with a slight quiver in his voice remarks;
"Why do I havef to keep going?" A slight pause; "I don't want to change." Ending with a squeak, because that means he trutly lost her.
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Date: 2019-01-01 06:52 pm (UTC)No, none of them are the same - but none of them would ever want to be. It's true that the companions make the Doctor better - but vice versa, he makes them better. No, not even - they make themselves better, by awakening the courage and strength within themselves they didn't know they had. They are strong, and that display with Davros? It was kindness, it was a desire to be better than themselves. It wasn't violence they were offering, but sacrifice. Each of them were willing to sacrifice themselves so that others might live. Even Martha - ready to sacrifice herself and the entire planet - was so that the galaxy wouldn't burn. She may have been misguided, but the sincerity behind it was not born of evil.
"Would you really leave me out there in the universe, all on my own?" A small, sad smile quirks at the edges of her lips, and Sexy runs her hand through his hair calmly. "Because you are the Doctor, and there is no shortage of patients, my very old friend. You have to, my dear, because there is a very scared little girl with a crack in her wall, waiting for you to fall out of the sky, and I will not allow you to disappoint her. There are a thousand other reasons, waiting out there for you. Your story ends, and you will rest, but not today."
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Date: 2019-01-28 01:17 am (UTC)Which Ten then eyes Sexy; but those aren't cute puppy brown eyes; those are hard and feeling of having lived too long eyes.
Falling out of the sky you say - that means he'll have to regenerate doesn't it? There's a brief moment when Six was lasered down from The Rani in the Tardis and had to regenerate.
Which Ten, swallows hard and starts to cry silently and hides his head between his legs.
That means he really doesn't see Rose again.
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Date: 2019-02-01 05:58 am (UTC)Sexy just sighs softly and holds him, arms wrapping around the tight ball he's squeezed himself into. She won't say it never happens, because there's no way for her to know for sure - but she knows this grief isn't forever.
She starts humming, a light tune the words of which hadn't been spoken in quite some time - the kind that used to echo across brilliant fields and rolling plains, all the way to the capital of Gallifrey. She used to like listening to the singing - back, before she'd even been carted off to that museum, she always liked to land just as the singing started, in the sunset of the late afternoon.
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Date: 2019-03-06 12:01 am (UTC)Why did he push Jack away? Why? The excuse, of course, is the sight of the Captain but truth was - didn't want anyone to see their Doctor in any sort of emotional pain and wanted to believe that he didn't need anyone. Lying to himself that he would be just fine on his own. Truth is he does need someone.
It's just easier to push them all away. It's easier to harden his hearts to not care again so he doesn't hurt again.
Ten breathes Sexy in; and feels the singing and after a bit starts to hum along with her.
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Date: 2019-04-12 04:00 pm (UTC)or was he? Hadn't they witnessed the end of the Face of Boe?), but then, his version of Jack was not. Jack would grow, would change, wouldn't be the same, in the end. Still, he'd never make anyone come with him; it just wasn't in his nature, no matter how lonely he truly was. Sexy believed that.One day, he would learn. Perhaps today is that day, or perhaps not, but pushing people away forever would not be sustainable. He's right, and Donna at least said it straight - he absolutely needs someone. They both know what happens when he doesn't have one.
Sexy continues the song to it's end, one hand moving up to brush through his spiked locks soothingly.